THE D-WORD
In our articles on food as nourishment, a basic need, we have talked about what types of food are typically most nourishing for most people: mostly plants, food grown organically in good soil, locally grown, and that the amount and type of foods you eat will depend on a whole lot of other factors in your life. And we know that eating that way is actually a privilege at this time, though it is a human right.
So the official NOURISH THAT recommendation is: a plant-based diet of whatever configuration works for you. I kind of want to leave it at that, but no, the rock needs to be upturned, the feathers ruffed.
In the last article we discussed fasting and how it could be beneficial for some people in terms of metabolic resiliency and decreasing inflammation. Here we were specifically talking of fasting as a tool for enhancing nourishment, and not as any kind of weight loss strategy-though it could potentially cause that. The elephant in the room we are yet to really talk about is modifying types and amounts of food to achieve a certain external body appearance: dieting. The D-word.
OK let’s unpack this slowly. Currently in 2020 the “desired aesthetic” for female-presenting people is “thin and toned” and for male-presenting people is “muscular but not too big”. The exact areas which should be smaller and bigger can vary a bit with the fashion but basically we are talking a Barbie and Ken kind of situation. Now this aesthetic is specific to the Western/westernised world and imposed on not only white but also black and brown bodies, and also has a bunch of other “assumptions” underlying this appearance – they must also be attractive, pleasant, young, white or white-passing but tanned, able-bodied, gender-conforming. It’s an absolute crock of shit. Most people know that this beauty myth (using the term from the phenomenal book of the same name published in 1990 by Naomi Wolf) has been used as a way to control people and give them something to focus on and have anxiety about, and keep them from feeling confident enough to make changes to the capitalist, patriarchal, white supremacist system. And of course, TO BUY STUFF TO KEEP FEEDING THE SYSTEM. I also must recommend reading Geneen Roth at this point, who really opened my eyes to this. No, I am not going crazy and making all this stuff up like some kind of conspiracy theory. This is literally the puppet-master behind the messaging in all forms of media, both explicit and implicit, and reinforced through bullying and trolling.
you are being manipulated to direct all your focus on your body, and to buy things to try and fix it
If you are reading this, you have probably been exposed to many decades of this messaging such that your own personal narrative goes along for the ride. “Do I look fat in this?” “I used to be so thin” “She shouldn’t be wearing that” “He’s really stacked it on” This affects both judgment of ourselves and others- and there may be very different yardsticks between the two. This can be to the point in some folks of body dysmorphia: where someone sees their own body as very undesirable to the extreme, so that what they see in the mirror is not at all what someone else sees. The undercurrent of these narratives and what is so insidious about judging appearance and body shaming is this message: you are not valuable as a human being if you do not look the way your society sees as the ideal. And you should fix it by any means how.
Bullshit
If you believe that your life would be better and you would be finally worthy of love if you were 2lbs/20kg/55 tonnes lighter, more muscly, 13 years younger, then I am so sorry. I am sorry this society told you that, and I am sorry that you (we) criticise ourselves and restrict ourselves from living the best life we can with that harmful story. We can’t flick a switch and be rid of that. Billions of dollars of marketing and decades of societal conditioning, as well as a lifetime of neuronal link patterning has imprinted this into our brains. Different types of therapy including talk therapy, somatic therapy, EMDR, tapping, hypnosis etc can certainly help, especially if your self-worth is closely tied to your appearance.
Somewhere about now someone usually rises up from the quagmire and says something along the lines of “being fat is not healthy” or some such thing. Let me be very clear:
Having more or less fat on your body is not predictive of your cardiovascular health (“healthy”)
BMI or body mass index was not designed to be a predictor of health, and was only developed to be applied to white people. It doesn’t account for muscle mass. Web search it if you disagree.
Fatphobia has been drummed into you since you were a small child, and has its roots in racism (see the book “Fearing the Black Body” by Sabrina Strings)
SOMEONE ELSE’S APPEARANCE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS AND YOU SHOULD NOT COMMENT ON IT
Yes, if someone has a large amount of fat, especially inside their body surrounding their organs, this puts them at higher risk of many diseases including diabetes mellitus and heart attacks. And, some people who appear thin can have a large amount of fat around their organs, also putting them at risk. A heavier body can exacerbate arthritis (degenerative joint disease). These things are true. And:
You are a whole and complete person, exactly as you are right now in this moment, and are worthy of love.
You have inherent value to this world because you are you.
Can you radically accept your appearance exactly as it is, and still want to make changes? Yes absolutely. But we need to completely shift our thinking. If we are thinking of ourselves from a lack mentality and using restrictive, negative language of “no”, “don’t”, “can’t”, our brains may not actually hear those words. For example, if we tell ourselves, “I can’t eat that”, then all you can think about is whatever that thing is. So instead we can use positive and empowering language, “I can”, “I choose”, “I will”.
And then we have to look at motivation. What is the reason behind wanting to change your appearance? If it is because you think you will only be a worthy human if you were 22lbs lighter, then it is going to be a real struggle to get there. Instead, see if there’s actually a positive and affirming reason beneath, which will be truly motivating. “I want to be able to play soccer with my kids”, “I want to hike that mountain”, “I want to be able to decrease my insulin and feel better”. The reason should give you a sparkle in the eye. And also realise that in order to accomplish those goals, there’s not actually a measurement or number on the scale associated with it. So you could train for your Appalachian Trail hike and be ready with the fitness and endurance you need, and the number on the scales could be the same, or more. Yet you have achieved your goal! That’s why being a slave to the numbers is counterintuitive. If there’s not a deeper, more meaningful motivation, then it’s going to be difficult.
diets don’t work
“Eat less and exercise more” is flung at you from the media, from your doctor, from the government. Restricting your calories with the intention of fat loss is, oo goodness, a losing battle. Even from the psychological point of view: “eating less”, “restricting”, “losing weight”, see how these words are all negatives. Our brains don’t get it, and it’s demotivating and shame-inducing. And restricting calories; usually from carbohydrates (the current darling) and/or fat (the vogue in the 80s and 90s), i.e. a diet, does not actually result in sustained fat loss for most people. See this review article here. After people lose weight from dieting, they typically go back to their previous way of eating, and most people gain that fat back, and sometimes more fat. This creates the vicious cycle of self-deprecation and “needing to go on another diet”. Read more here. Here’s an excellent New York Times article from 2016, citing a bunch of studies all about this, written by neuroscientist Sandra Aamodt.
The reasons that eating less often doesn’t work is that it produces signals from the psychological ‘lack mentality’, as well as the hormonal signals produced when your body sees calories as relatively scarce (the diet). This adjusts your body systems to actually conserve energy to try to maintain as is- the ‘set-point’ or natural weight. This will be via the processing systems in the body, and also by you feeling hungrier and thinking about food more. Why doesn’t anyone talk about this? Ahem, multibillion dollar diet and fitness industry. $$$$
There are people who went on the Atkins diet, or the Macrobiotic diet, or this cleanse, or went keto, or did Weight Watchers, or drink SlimFast shakes and they lost fat and kept it off. But those folks are the exception, not the rule. Some people, typically Gretchen Rubin’s upholders, can make radical changes and stick to it. Invariably there is a significant psychological shift, as talked about above, where there is strong intrinsic (coming from inside you) motivation – usually fueled by a strong, worthy, and positive reason or purpose.
There are some diet movements which are starting to turn the corner and focus on adding more, not less. I am thinking of the Whole 30 diet, meant to be a 30-day kickstart to help you feel better and less inflamed. And Intuitive Eating which focusses on giving yourself more, not less, without the harmful diet-culture narrative. Any kind of diet or prescribed way of eating worth it’s salt will talk about more than just what you eat. The motivation and mindset behind what and how you eat is actually way more important, but takes a long time to shift, let alone change, and usually needs to have support or professional help. This is a harder sell from a capitalist perspective, so guess what, doesn’t really get much air time. Unless of course it’s some kind of gimmicky, biohacker stuff. (It’s not a Nourish that article if I haven’t taken a swipe at the biohackers, and used a bunch of parentheses). And other factors play into the amount of fat your body has in any case.
the way i see it
Fat is a hormonal tissue in the body, and is a label that can be applied to people by themselves or others. Calling yourself or someone else “fat” is usually intended in a harmful and deprecating way, saying that person is a less valuable human because of what you perceive their body looks like on the outside. Some people are reclaiming the word fat as part of their identity. It just is. I see immense value in this.
Losing fat does not necessarily mean gaining nourishment, though it could. If people who wish to lose fat take a look at their motivations and see that they come from a beautiful place to enrich their life and the lives of those they love, then it’s not a problem. But be aware that “losing weight” and “keeping the weight off” is not easy with any diet where controlling calories, removing food groups, or swapping out for shakes or other supplements is the prescription. Your body, inside and out, is unique to you, and is the result of yes, the food you eat, but also your genetics, background, medications, metabolism, environment, childhood trauma, adult trauma, ancestral trauma, psychology, abilities, movement, community connections, sleep and stress. Some of those things can’t be changed, and some take a lot of support or counselling to work through.
The way you look has nothing to do with your value as a human. “Your body is an instrument, not an ornament” – Lexie and Lindsay Kite of Beauty Redefined. You are not a better person now because your body is smaller than it was a year ago. You are not a worse person because your muscles are flatter than they were a year ago. If you post a ‘before and after picture’ be aware that there are people who aspire to look like your ‘before’ picture. If you comment on someone’s weight loss, be aware that that person may have had a devastating break up, or may have cancer, and the weight loss may be actually a symptom of illness, not your idea of success. If you talk about a mutual acquaintance or friend’s weight gain, be aware that person might have just recovered from a life-long eating disorder, just had a hysterectomy, or is completely nourished and happy. Let’s work to dismantle these programmed narratives about ourselves and others, and work on radical acceptance of all bodies.
The only kind of ‘before and after’ I am interested in seeing
For more, please check out these experts: Sonya Renee Taylor on any platform you can and Lexie Kite and Lindsay Kite on any platform you can. Make bigger and smaller and differently-abled bodies something you see regularly on social media, magazines, TV shows, movies. Make sure what the small humans (kids) in your life are watching and learning from and playing with also show different bodies, all doing things that humans do, and talk to them about differences in bodies. I know Lexie and Lindsay speak to this beautifully. If you don’t talk to small humans about things, they will just absorb and parrot what the mainstream feeds them so it really is important.
Let’s throw diets in the compost and focus on nourishing that.